WASHINGTON, D.C. — AOC is still being held 1 day after her high-profile arrest at the Supreme Court building, as Capitol Police have confirmed that they misplaced the invisible key for her invisible handcuffs.

LOS GATOS, CA — As Netflix announced the loss of one million subscribers this month, ten million people have also discovered that for some reason their Netflix login no longer seems to be working.

The Boston Tea Party was a totally based political protest that took place on December 16, 1773 as a way of speaking out against taxation without representation — but let's face it — the tea got the raw end of that deal. We enjoy a good tea every now and…

NEW YORK, NY — In a ruling experts believe to be particularly heavy-handed, the comedy writers who were arrested in June at the nation's Capitol have been cruelly sentenced by a heartless judge to keep writing for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

TALLAHASSEE, FL — Due to the influx of new residents from Liberal states, DeSantis has signed an order outlawing man-buns before they can infect the proud and masculine culture of Florida.

WASHINGTON,D.C. — After months of saying that he has no control over the price of gas, President Joe Biden is taking credit as prices dip by 2 cents. To highlight this monumental achievement, Biden has been placing "I did that!" stickers on gas pumps everywhere…

SOMERSET, MA — After Biden seemed to announce he has cancer during a speech today, the White House quickly issued a retraction, clarifying that Biden only said that because of his dementia.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Only one day after Biden's miraculous recovery from cancer, White House sources have confirmed the President now has COVID. Doctors say that the twice-boosted president only has mild symptoms, but has tragically lost his keen sense of smell.…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House held an emergency press conference after Biden's COVID diagnosis to assure the nation that whoever is actually running the country right now is still completely healthy.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former White House Chief Strategist and media executive Steve Bannon was offered some change and a hot meal when he was discovered by a homeless man Monday.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After testing positive for COVID today, President Biden immediately rushed out of the White House to go sniff one last little girl before losing his sense of smell.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The January 6th Committee is urging Americans to stay tuned until the very end of the hearings, as there will be another very special bonus hearing after the credits roll.

Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it's not always easy to adjust to life in an American state.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources within the White House, Kamala Harris is once again losing another staff member as her top aide is leaving the administration after taking a new job. Sabrina Singh, Harris' current deputy press secretary and main speechwriter…

CHICAGO, IL — Citizens of Illinois expressed excitement upon hearing that the Chicago streets will play a part in the 2023 NASCAR season. Unfortunately during the first event, one of the drivers was mugged at gunpoint by a Chicago criminal during an 11.2…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After learning that the president had contracted the Coronavirus, Joe Biden quickly called up Barack Obama to wish him a speedy recovery.

U.S. — The January 6th Committee aired its final hearing last night revealing the shocking, disturbing truth that the January 6th hearings were still happening.

LOS ANGELES, CA — In a tearful apology last night, beloved political pundit Jimmy Kimmel apologized to the nation for allowing comedian Dana Carvey on his show to tell funny jokes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Trump advisor Steve Bannon has been found guilty of contempt of Congress, which is one of the evilest crimes one can commit against Congress. While prosecutors expressed relief at the verdict, they also warned that there are still…

GARDEN CITY, KS — Brethren Plumbers, a local plumbing operation known for shoddy work, has denied unethical use of religion in their business dealings despite having a business card prominently featuring an Ichthys, also known as a "Jesus fish."