U.S.—As Planned Parenthood locations shut down across America in the wake of Roe being overturned, "I Did That!" stickers featuring President Trump have appeared on each shuttered clinic.

CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—Pastor Cory Jordan's passionate, fire-and-brimstone sermon on the terror of Hell was really undermined this morning by all the adorable VBS decorations surrounding him.

COLUMBUS, OH—Local man John Spiller, who hasn't spent any time talking with God all week, sounded off today about how distant God feels.

U.S.—Men across the country are finally able to get some work done at the office this week, as their progressive female co-workers are out protesting for abortion rights.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats in D.C. have lashed out at Justice Clarence Thomas following his vote to overturn Roe v. Wade, arguing that he should only get 3/5 of a vote in the Supreme Court.

OAKLAND, CA—In response to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has announced he will no longer be an American idiot and will instead just be a regular idiot.

PALM BEACH, FL—After hearing the cries of his freedom-loving people, 45th President Donald J. Trump smote a rock with his nine-iron, causing it to spew forth cheap, clean gasoline.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Ketanji Brown Jackson, who will be taking over for Justice Breyer at the end of the court's term, has penned a dissent for the court's decision on Dobbs v. Jackson, in which she asks, "What is a woman?"