WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden released a short video message to the American people in which he vowed to power through his mild Coronavirus symptoms and continue ruining the country over Zoom.

Behold: the latest book in the illustrious Babylon Bee Guide series, The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy! This bad boy comes out September 6, but you can preorder it now on Amazon or right here in The Babylon Bee Store! What?! You can give us soon-to-be-worthless…

SHREVEPORT, LA — Plans for a relaxing date night were dashed upon the rocks of parenthood Thursday when Sam and Jen Goldwind witnessed 2-year-old Daenerys vomit just five minutes before leaving. Early reports indicate that the child had patiently waited to…

The January 6th hearings ended in epic fashion, with America finally learning that Senator Josh Hawley runs like a total girl. Still, we came away from season one with several unanswered questions:

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the first round of January 6th hearings coming to a close, Representatives Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney are feeling great about their audition to become MSNBC anchors.

CUPERTINO, CA — Humble PC technician Cristano Peralta at Future Products Inc. was disheartened Thursday when he fixed the laptops of ten employees, but only one returned to say thank you.

SHREVEPORT, LA — During a meeting about an "exciting opportunity," Emily Levin became progressively more anxious as her old high-school friend Taylor Selick continued to assure her that this work-from-home business was not, in fact, a pyramid scheme.

AUSTIN, TX — Republicans are happily applauding gubernatorial candidate Beto O'Rourke as he continues to dig an enormous sinkhole for Democrats to dump their money into.

SHREVEPORT, LA — During a meeting about an "exciting opportunity," Emily Levin became progressively more anxious as her old high-school friend Taylor Selick continued to assure her that this work-from-home business was not, in fact, a pyramid scheme.

WACO, TX — After a steady exodus of people fleeing to Texas to escape oppression under Governor Gavin Newsom's rule, there has been a sudden outcry for a return to the ‘coastal paradise' amid rising temperatures in the Lone Star State.

GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Thousands of women around the country are being forced to face a terrifying new reality in which they actually have to use one of the dozens of cheap, readily available methods of birth control in post-Roe America.

NASHVILLE, TN — Former Vice President and climate activist Al Gore has had trouble in recent years getting people to listen to his dire warnings about the coming climate apocalypse. In a last-ditch effort to make people notice him again, he is now touring…

U.S. — The nation's leading scientists unveiled a new periodic table of genders to help everyone keep track of the evolving gender spectrum. Experts are recommending the table be rolled out to schools across the nation and added to each state's curriculum…

PALM BEACH, FL — This week, former President Donald Trump called on Congress to propose and ratify a 28th amendment to the constitution. The amendment would allow for him to serve as his own Vice President if re-elected President in 2024.

San Diego Comic-Con returned for an in-person event for the first time since 2019 and boy, was it worth the wait! There were celebrities, movie announcements, and random strangers in furry costumes! YEAH!

RENO, NV — Local woman Catherine Mayfield displayed her Christlike love for all parking spaces by driving past the other 99 perfectly good spots in search of the one closer to the front that is most likely already taken.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden has just signed a bill into law prohibiting everyone in America from using the word "recession." The Economic Integrity Protection Act — also known as the "Don't Say Recession" bill — now threatens to punish any American…

U.S. — Thousands upon thousands of fans have come together in celebration that their beloved franchise is finally being adapted into a live-action series. Unfortunately, they all forgot it's the year 2022, and they don't make them how they used to.

PORTLAND, OR — A recent poll suggests 90% of teachers are worried their gay students may regress and turn straight over summer break. Most students had embraced their queer identities after being immersed in queerness around the clock for the entire school…

SAN DIEGO, CA — Visitors to the world-famous San Diego Zoo continue to be disappointed by the Tasmanian devil, say zoo officials.