🍏 School Jokes
There's a story about a teacher who told his students, “You know you're making progress in English when you speak in English, think in English, and dream in English.”
One day a student came into the class very excited and said, “Teacher, Teacher, last night I dreamt in English!” The teacher said, “That's wonderful! What did you dream about?” And the student said, “I don't know, it was in English.”
🔎 #jokes
There's a story about a teacher who told his students, “You know you're making progress in English when you speak in English, think in English, and dream in English.”
One day a student came into the class very excited and said, “Teacher, Teacher, last night I dreamt in English!” The teacher said, “That's wonderful! What did you dream about?” And the student said, “I don't know, it was in English.”
🔎 #jokes
🌡 Medicine Jokes
Doctor: You should take at least 10 glasses of water every day.
Patient: It’s impossible.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: I have only 4 glasses at home!
🔎 #jokes #j_medicine
Doctor: You should take at least 10 glasses of water every day.
Patient: It’s impossible.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: I have only 4 glasses at home!
🔎 #jokes #j_medicine
🍏 School Jokes
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Student: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in school.
🔎 #jokes
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Student: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in school.
🔎 #jokes
💋 Women Jokes
- Mum! I do not want to marry Bill! He is redhead!
Dad from the other room:
- For a month living with you he will be gray-haired!
🔎 #jokes
- Mum! I do not want to marry Bill! He is redhead!
Dad from the other room:
- For a month living with you he will be gray-haired!
🔎 #jokes
🙃 Other Jokes
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
🔎 #jokes #j_other
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
🔎 #jokes #j_other
🙃 Other Jokes
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
🔎 #jokes #j_other
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
🔎 #jokes #j_other
🙃 Other Jokes
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Mom, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
🔎 #jokes #j_other
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Mom, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
🔎 #jokes #j_other
🙃 Other Jokes
Two Englishmen, two Scotsmen, two Welshmen and two Irishmen were marooned on a desert island.
The two Scotsmen got together and started a bank.
The two Welshmen got together and started a choir.
The two Irishmen got together and started a fight.
The two Englishmen never spoke to each other - they hadn't been introduced!
🔎 #jokes
Two Englishmen, two Scotsmen, two Welshmen and two Irishmen were marooned on a desert island.
The two Scotsmen got together and started a bank.
The two Welshmen got together and started a choir.
The two Irishmen got together and started a fight.
The two Englishmen never spoke to each other - they hadn't been introduced!
🔎 #jokes
💋 Women vs. 🎩 Men Jokes
Men are like bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like wi-fi: she sees all available devices but connect to the strongest one.
🔎 #jokes
Men are like bluetooth: he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away.
Women are like wi-fi: she sees all available devices but connect to the strongest one.
🔎 #jokes
🌡 Medicine Jokes
Dentist: Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient: And how much will it cost me?
Dentist: 100$.
Patient: For a 1-minute job?!
Dentist: If you prefer, I can be pulling it out for one hour...
🔎 #jokes
Dentist: Don’t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient: And how much will it cost me?
Dentist: 100$.
Patient: For a 1-minute job?!
Dentist: If you prefer, I can be pulling it out for one hour...
🔎 #jokes
🙃 Other Jokes
The couple arrived at the resort. They move into the room. Wife sees the mouse and starts yelling (in Russian), "А-А-А! Мышь! Звони на ресепшен, ты лучше знаешь английский, а я – полный ноль."
Husband calls (in English):
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Do you know "Tom and Jerry?"
- Yes, I do.
- So... Jerry is here.
🔎 #jokes
TOURISTSRUSSIANThe couple arrived at the resort. They move into the room. Wife sees the mouse and starts yelling (in Russian), "А-А-А! Мышь! Звони на ресепшен, ты лучше знаешь английский, а я – полный ноль."
Husband calls (in English):
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Do you know "Tom and Jerry?"
- Yes, I do.
- So... Jerry is here.
🔎 #jokes
🙃 Other Jokes
Little Mario comes back from the school crying.
- Mum, everybody in the school calls me "mafioso".
- Don’t worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.
- Thank you mum. Please make it look like an accident.
🔎 #jokes
Little Mario comes back from the school crying.
- Mum, everybody in the school calls me "mafioso".
- Don’t worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.
- Thank you mum. Please make it look like an accident.
🔎 #jokes
💑 Marriage Jokes
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You'll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams”.
🔎 #jokes
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You'll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams”.
🔎 #jokes
🙃 Other Jokes
Tell a joke to a German, and he will not understand it.
Tell a joke to an Englishman, and he will understand it, but won't show it.
Tell a joke to a Japanese, and he will understand it his own way.
Tell a joke to a Russian, and he will tell you that he knows three more versions of that joke that are much better.
🔎 #jokes
Tell a joke to a German, and he will not understand it.
Tell a joke to an Englishman, and he will understand it, but won't show it.
Tell a joke to a Japanese, and he will understand it his own way.
Tell a joke to a Russian, and he will tell you that he knows three more versions of that joke that are much better.
🔎 #jokes
💋 Women Jokes
“What is your age?” asked the Judge. “Remember you are under oath.“
“Twenty-one years and some months,“ the woman answered.
“How many months?“ the Judge persisted.
“One hundred and eight.“
🔎 #jokes
“What is your age?” asked the Judge. “Remember you are under oath.“
“Twenty-one years and some months,“ the woman answered.
“How many months?“ the Judge persisted.
“One hundred and eight.“
🔎 #jokes
🙃 Other Jokes
Boy to mother: “I've decided to stop studying.”
”How come?” asked the mother.
”I heard that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.”
🔎 #jokes
Boy to mother: “I've decided to stop studying.”
”How come?” asked the mother.
”I heard that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.”
🔎 #jokes
💑 Marriage Jokes
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You’ll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!"
🔎 #jokes
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You’ll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!"
🔎 #jokes
🍏 School jokes
WHO ARE STUPID?
The Teacher says to the class: Whoever stands up is stupid
Nobody stands up
Teacher: I said whoever stands up is STUPID!
Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs., I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.
#jokes
⚡️ Don't forget to share it
Speaking Club - @sclubuz 🇬🇧
WHO ARE STUPID?
The Teacher says to the class: Whoever stands up is stupid
Nobody stands up
Teacher: I said whoever stands up is STUPID!
Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs., I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.
#jokes
⚡️ Don't forget to share it
Speaking Club - @sclubuz 🇬🇧