BLOODY INSCRIPTIONS

I'll use blood instead of ink to write this letter
maybe that way he'll appreciate it more
I'll use a quill instead of a pen
so that it'd seem more artistic
than it really is 

but before I did this
I had thought about giving my heart to him
but not in the way every body says they would
see I
I would have formed a hole in my chest
ripped my heart out
from behind my ribs
and placed it
on a silver platter

but then he would have raised the plate
examined my heart
and found that
it wasn't pretty enough for his taste
he would have thrown it away
and left me standing
like a hallow case

so then
I had thought about giving him a tool
to dissect my brain
to rummage through my history
and know that
memories of him
are all that fill it
but then he would have thought
that I..was too desprate
he would have laughed at me
and told me
to get a life

therefore I decided
to leave these crazy ideas aside
to leave these unrealistic gestures
and to chose one
i could actually master
 
so then lastly
i decided to learn the best calligraphy
to learn to write beautifully
so he can fall in love with my hand writing
before he falls in love with my words
i will write a glorious rhyme
so that each phrase
fits perfectly after the other
and he
would be under the spell
of my wordsmithery
he would look at me
with admiration
like I am the best writer
that he has ever seen
 
but now
when I look down
at this mess of literature
I realised
I've spent to much time
trying to play out his reactions
to my endless confessions
that I actually stopped writing
in an attempt to tell him
how i felt
but instead
started writing what i thought
he wanted to hear
i stirred
the car in the wrong direction
and I...have crashed

see now
when I look down
I don't see a series
of my heart filled admissions
I see superficial...artificial
meaningless bloody inscriptions

#review #poetry #erraticthoughts #everyone