*Suicide Line*
“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.” ― Juliette Lewi
Part 1
It was pitch black outside. It was the softness that’s calling a body and brain to rest but let the heart follow its rhythm. The darkness was so dense that it has consumed the stars into its void. I found the darkness comforting since I grew up on the outskirts. But here living in the city, I had grown used to the warming, orange glow of the streetlamps, their light filtering in through the gaps of the office curtain. But today’s blackness I couldn’t recall seeing before. I am sitting still in my chair waiting for a call, tilted my head and saw Ahmya comforting a caller. This is my job, taking calls from unknown people, hearing them out, preventing them from committing huge mistakes. The Suicide line, unlike you may think, receive many calls each day from hopeless individuals who had lost every desire to live. I try everyday to not let anyone take their life. I had listened hundreds of unsettling stories so far and it requires a lot of moral strength to convince the call to not to end his life. I am now accustomed of taking these calls but today there are no calls. It is deafing kind of silence which I’m not used to.
The sound of a call pull me back from my deep slumber of thoughts. I quickly wore my headsets and connected the call, someone is dialing from Tokyo.
“Good night, What’s your emergency?”
“I-I need an ambulance”, a hoarse voice echoed from the other side. By the sound of it, the caller seems not older than you.
“you are calling from four seasons hotel, right?”
“yes, room number 613”
“May I ask, why you need an ambulance?”, you asked him, hoping this is not some prank call from the rich kids
“Someone committed a suicide in this room and another one is about to happen”, he says stuttering.
“Are you talking about yourself?”, I gulped
“Yes, I’m about to end my life”, he said bringing the receiver close to his mouth.
“you know you shouldn’t be playing around with serious matters, right now someone might need my help, struggling between life and death”, I said calmly
“Do you think I will joke around at four o’clock in the night, if you cannot take me seriously, then buzz off, I have to take my life also”, the person on the other side said aggressively.
“No-No. please wait, I’m extremely sorry, May I ask, what’s was your relationship with the dead person?”
“She-she was my fiancé, when I came back from my exhibition, she was lying still in the swimming pool facing the water”.
My eyes widened with astonishment after hearing his words. “An ambulance will be there in 20 minutes sir, please don’t do anything you might end up regretting”, I said in a firm tone
“When you’re dead, there is no space for regretting”.
“Calm down sir, I want you to live your life to the fullest, killing yourself is not the solution”, you rabbled one of the many phrases every worker use in calls.
“what jack shit are you talking about, I don’t give a damn about what you think how I should spend my life, because you don’t even care, you are waiting for the night to over, month to end so that you can get your paycheck”
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a small sob. He was leaning against the wall, getting a clear view of the swimming pool. He was surrounded by the flasks and bottles of alcoholic beverages. Few of them were empty but a couple of two was full to the brim. On his one hand he is holding the cell phone while other was squeezing the pills. He was taking them since the midnight, don’t even remember how many he had already galloped. One thing he was sure about that these are enough to kill himself.
#noahlancaster #review #story
“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.” ― Juliette Lewi
Part 1
It was pitch black outside. It was the softness that’s calling a body and brain to rest but let the heart follow its rhythm. The darkness was so dense that it has consumed the stars into its void. I found the darkness comforting since I grew up on the outskirts. But here living in the city, I had grown used to the warming, orange glow of the streetlamps, their light filtering in through the gaps of the office curtain. But today’s blackness I couldn’t recall seeing before. I am sitting still in my chair waiting for a call, tilted my head and saw Ahmya comforting a caller. This is my job, taking calls from unknown people, hearing them out, preventing them from committing huge mistakes. The Suicide line, unlike you may think, receive many calls each day from hopeless individuals who had lost every desire to live. I try everyday to not let anyone take their life. I had listened hundreds of unsettling stories so far and it requires a lot of moral strength to convince the call to not to end his life. I am now accustomed of taking these calls but today there are no calls. It is deafing kind of silence which I’m not used to.
The sound of a call pull me back from my deep slumber of thoughts. I quickly wore my headsets and connected the call, someone is dialing from Tokyo.
“Good night, What’s your emergency?”
“I-I need an ambulance”, a hoarse voice echoed from the other side. By the sound of it, the caller seems not older than you.
“you are calling from four seasons hotel, right?”
“yes, room number 613”
“May I ask, why you need an ambulance?”, you asked him, hoping this is not some prank call from the rich kids
“Someone committed a suicide in this room and another one is about to happen”, he says stuttering.
“Are you talking about yourself?”, I gulped
“Yes, I’m about to end my life”, he said bringing the receiver close to his mouth.
“you know you shouldn’t be playing around with serious matters, right now someone might need my help, struggling between life and death”, I said calmly
“Do you think I will joke around at four o’clock in the night, if you cannot take me seriously, then buzz off, I have to take my life also”, the person on the other side said aggressively.
“No-No. please wait, I’m extremely sorry, May I ask, what’s was your relationship with the dead person?”
“She-she was my fiancé, when I came back from my exhibition, she was lying still in the swimming pool facing the water”.
My eyes widened with astonishment after hearing his words. “An ambulance will be there in 20 minutes sir, please don’t do anything you might end up regretting”, I said in a firm tone
“When you’re dead, there is no space for regretting”.
“Calm down sir, I want you to live your life to the fullest, killing yourself is not the solution”, you rabbled one of the many phrases every worker use in calls.
“what jack shit are you talking about, I don’t give a damn about what you think how I should spend my life, because you don’t even care, you are waiting for the night to over, month to end so that you can get your paycheck”
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a small sob. He was leaning against the wall, getting a clear view of the swimming pool. He was surrounded by the flasks and bottles of alcoholic beverages. Few of them were empty but a couple of two was full to the brim. On his one hand he is holding the cell phone while other was squeezing the pills. He was taking them since the midnight, don’t even remember how many he had already galloped. One thing he was sure about that these are enough to kill himself.
#noahlancaster #review #story
*The Suicide Line*
*Part 2*
This morning when she left, he had no clue that this is the last time, he is seeing her alive in flesh and bones with her soul. When he returned, he yelled her name all around the room and found her floating on the water. With all the courage, he jumped into the water and held her into his arms, yes, she was dead, her body was cold and lifeless, her eyes wide open. Dizziness took over his body and he came out of the water leaving her body there. He loved her with all his heart, and they were getting married in next two weeks. The question which is haunting him now is why she killed herself?
“Tell me, we can drop the formalities of you working for helping people”, he said
“I don’t work here for money, sir”, I keep stalling him till the ambulance reach him.
“What’s your name?”, he asked clearly gulping something.
“Angelin”
“seriously, American name, I’m asking your real name”.
“Rumi” can’t tell any one my real name because of the privacy policies.
“Would you like to know mine, so we’re even?”
“please”, I requested knowing that it would buy you some time.
“Akio Mareo”, I’ve heard this name somewhere, unable to recall so I googled him.
Holy shit, he is ‘The Akio Mareo’, the famous painter who is known for his famous painting ‘the chaos’, but there is no news of his fiancé’s suicide. A painter is someone who never runs out of colors, his life is like a ray of white light, full of colors. But he feels too much sometimes, almost on the verge of spilling colors and Akio is on the hem of spilling blood.
“Rumi, are you still there?”, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. His voice was trembling which makes me sure that he was sobbing.
“Yes sir, I’m here”
Three minutes had gone by since I had taken the call. I’m sure what I have to do. I had to keep him busy to that he doesn’t think about killing himself. I have to save this man.
This is my turn to ask him something, “if you’re so sure that you’re going to kill yourself, why did you call here, I’m pretty sure you are not looking for a stenographer”.
“I just want someone to know why I’m killing myself, unlike her, who left me without an explanation”
“No, that’s not why you’ve called”, I said crossing him
“don’t think for a second, you know better just because you work in a hotline and hear hundreds of stories in a day”, he snapped back
“I think you want to be saved. Everyone wants someone to pull them out from the darkness drowning them”, completely ignoring that he just lashed on me.
“This is a fucking black hole swallowing me”.
His Black suit fully drenched when he came out from the swimming pool not having the courage to pull her out. He went straight to the bathroom and removed the upper part of the tank of the toilet seat. He was sober since a month, but he can’t take it anymore. He wants someone to take his pain away, it is unbearable, grievous. It feels like yesterday only, the burn still lingered in his nose from marijuana, but years of practice had made him cautious about snorting too deeply but today he sniffed the drug so deeply as if his life depends on it. He spreads everything, pills, injections, joints of cocaine, heroin on the floor while snorting the joint in the hall, pulls out every bottle of alcohol. He opens his mobile phone. Her being a wall paper forced him to take a quick sniff in every 40 seconds. Marijuana started inducing the feeling of euphoria, all the happy moments stared playing in front of his eyes like a slide show. The drug stimulates the release of the reward chemical dopamine. He was smiling with his eyes full of tears. He started drinking to curb his hunger which was the result of the cannabis. Two hour passed of him smoking and drinking, he lie down on the floor and hugged the mobile phone to his chest, close to his heart, which she broke by leaving him alone.
#review #story #NoahLancaster
*Part 2*
This morning when she left, he had no clue that this is the last time, he is seeing her alive in flesh and bones with her soul. When he returned, he yelled her name all around the room and found her floating on the water. With all the courage, he jumped into the water and held her into his arms, yes, she was dead, her body was cold and lifeless, her eyes wide open. Dizziness took over his body and he came out of the water leaving her body there. He loved her with all his heart, and they were getting married in next two weeks. The question which is haunting him now is why she killed herself?
“Tell me, we can drop the formalities of you working for helping people”, he said
“I don’t work here for money, sir”, I keep stalling him till the ambulance reach him.
“What’s your name?”, he asked clearly gulping something.
“Angelin”
“seriously, American name, I’m asking your real name”.
“Rumi” can’t tell any one my real name because of the privacy policies.
“Would you like to know mine, so we’re even?”
“please”, I requested knowing that it would buy you some time.
“Akio Mareo”, I’ve heard this name somewhere, unable to recall so I googled him.
Holy shit, he is ‘The Akio Mareo’, the famous painter who is known for his famous painting ‘the chaos’, but there is no news of his fiancé’s suicide. A painter is someone who never runs out of colors, his life is like a ray of white light, full of colors. But he feels too much sometimes, almost on the verge of spilling colors and Akio is on the hem of spilling blood.
“Rumi, are you still there?”, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes at the sound of his voice. His voice was trembling which makes me sure that he was sobbing.
“Yes sir, I’m here”
Three minutes had gone by since I had taken the call. I’m sure what I have to do. I had to keep him busy to that he doesn’t think about killing himself. I have to save this man.
This is my turn to ask him something, “if you’re so sure that you’re going to kill yourself, why did you call here, I’m pretty sure you are not looking for a stenographer”.
“I just want someone to know why I’m killing myself, unlike her, who left me without an explanation”
“No, that’s not why you’ve called”, I said crossing him
“don’t think for a second, you know better just because you work in a hotline and hear hundreds of stories in a day”, he snapped back
“I think you want to be saved. Everyone wants someone to pull them out from the darkness drowning them”, completely ignoring that he just lashed on me.
“This is a fucking black hole swallowing me”.
His Black suit fully drenched when he came out from the swimming pool not having the courage to pull her out. He went straight to the bathroom and removed the upper part of the tank of the toilet seat. He was sober since a month, but he can’t take it anymore. He wants someone to take his pain away, it is unbearable, grievous. It feels like yesterday only, the burn still lingered in his nose from marijuana, but years of practice had made him cautious about snorting too deeply but today he sniffed the drug so deeply as if his life depends on it. He spreads everything, pills, injections, joints of cocaine, heroin on the floor while snorting the joint in the hall, pulls out every bottle of alcohol. He opens his mobile phone. Her being a wall paper forced him to take a quick sniff in every 40 seconds. Marijuana started inducing the feeling of euphoria, all the happy moments stared playing in front of his eyes like a slide show. The drug stimulates the release of the reward chemical dopamine. He was smiling with his eyes full of tears. He started drinking to curb his hunger which was the result of the cannabis. Two hour passed of him smoking and drinking, he lie down on the floor and hugged the mobile phone to his chest, close to his heart, which she broke by leaving him alone.
#review #story #NoahLancaster