WASHINGTON, D.C. - With Ketanji Brown Jackson set to take over Justice Stephen Breyer's seat on the Supreme Court today, aides have been hard at work changing all the restroom signs to "gender-neutral" so Jackson doesn't get confused when she has to use the…

U.S. — Pride Month officially concludes June 30th with a series of explicit parades and orgies, but community activists have assured as many as would listen that they are not going anywhere. Now, as pride month comes to an end, Americans are looking forward…

NASHVILLE, TN — Famed Canadian clinical psychologist and best-selling author Jordan Peterson has announced that he will be joining DailyWire+ to produce exclusive new content. According to Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boring at a recent DW+ conference, fans will…

GENEVA — The World Economic Forum experienced a major blunder during a recent symposium when the institution's banner slipped, revealing the tentacled HYDRA logo. The blooper occurred during a symposium in which a small number of elite intellectuals discussed…

Are you a single loser? Are you also a man? Love scientists with The Babylon Bee talked with 1000 actual real-live women and uncovered ten things Christian women are looking for in a man. Only you have the power to mold yourself into the ultimate man and…

‎This app was created ex nihilo on the eighth day of the creation week, exactly 6,000 years ago, with the purpose of making The Babylon Bee's divinely inspired content even more accessible. Here's what you can do with the power of our perfect app in your…

GENEVA — This week, an international panel of scholars released the findings of a study examining a causal link between an improved prayer life and teaching a teen to drive. The results are conclusive: parents who report a "poor-moderate" prayer life increase…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The walls are finally closing in on Trump, as the January 6th Committee has called star witness Amber Heard to testify against the former president.

FLATWOODS, KY — According to sources, local man Dave Smithers was struggling to afford food for his July 4th barbecue due to food prices being up over 3272% this season. His luck changed, however, when he realized he still had the 16 cents President Biden…

You may think it's funny that President Biden carries around a cheat card that tells him exactly what to do and when to do it. As it turns out, this is a common technique used by several presidents throughout our nation's great history. We bet you feel silly…

U.S. — With Pride Month ending and July 4th around the corner, millions of rainbow flags across the country are being taken down and replaced with American flags, causing liberals to scream and run away in terror.

Are you a woman? Are you in desperate need of a man you can make sandwiches for? We surveyed 3 Christian men sitting around the break room and compiled the common answers to come up with a definitive list of female qualities men crave.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This week, Simone Biles backed out of the upcoming Medal of Freedom ceremony, citing the need to pay attention to her mental health. The Biden administration has since announced that they will honor this additional act of bravery with another…

NEW YORK, NY — The acclaimed morning TV show Good Morning America recognized a significant moment in American history by posting a tweet celebrating Joe Biden as the country's first white, male U.S. president.

NEW YORK, NY — Just days after being sentenced to 30 years in prison, R. Kelly walked free this morning after it came to light that he was actually one of Ghislaine Maxwell's clients, and therefore protected from any consequences of his actions.

SEATTLE, WA — Amazon employee Emily Thomas began to wonder this morning if the company offering to pay to kill her child really had her best interest in mind.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The famed Impractical Jokers comedy quartet managed to get access to President Biden's cheat sheet today, quickly plunging the nation into chaos.

GARDEN OF EDEN — Fresh off being banished from paradise, Adam and Eve are blaming cancel culture for their sudden expulsion.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — DoorDash announced the launch of a new premium service DoorDash+, where they will at least make a small effort to get your order correct.