My Fortune Cookies

My incense went full loop, without fracturing

Applebees put my take-out fountain drink Mountain Dew in a sealed can

This line of flowers growing in the street

The Gojo dispenser at work leaks a single drop every time it’s used and is forming a stalagmite on the pipe below it.

One Spongebob didn't get printed so now he has sunglasses

Looked under my couch for a dog toy and discovered it’s my couch’s ten year old birthday.

My lung cancer tumour and unilateral gyno.

Someone paid money to do this Jared Leto Joker motif to their car.

The way these dome lights burnt out makes them look like marbles

Ants tunneled through this dead mouse.

Business class on this Avianca flight is just an insert over a middle economy seat to give you more arm room

This vending machine in a gas station's men's toilet in Germany.

Couldn’t read half the cards while camping

My boyfriend's car fixed itself.

Three similar unrelated wounds on my fingers.

Opened our kitchen wall to find this flue cover, one of the pretter ones I've seen.

Paw prints in the pavement outside the Ernest Hemingway house in Key West

This dude's sock matched the metro floor pattern flawlessly

Instead of cutting down the tree, they built the house around it.