Im so glad my dad gave me the talk and showed me how to put on a condom at an early age
Could have made it a little less awkward if he showed it on a banana, though.
#sexandshit
Could have made it a little less awkward if he showed it on a banana, though.
#sexandshit
A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home it fucks all
the farmer's 150 hens. Next day, it's fucking the ducks and the
geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vulters circling overhead.
Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" The cock opens one eye, points up and says, "Shhhhh. They're about to land!"
#sexandshit
the farmer's 150 hens. Next day, it's fucking the ducks and the
geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vulters circling overhead.
Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard!" The cock opens one eye, points up and says, "Shhhhh. They're about to land!"
#sexandshit
President Trump dies and goes to Hell. Satan himself is there to greet him. He gleefully rubs his hands together and says, "I've been waiting for you! Unfortunately, there's a problem. Hell is full but you need to stay because you've been exceptionally naughty. I'll make you a deal. You can choose whose spot you take. I'll show you around."
Trump is not happy with this but he's the deal master, so he enters hell with a smug look.
Satan continues, "This is the first room. What do you think?"
It's Obama and he's working a huge hammer. Trump watches for 5 minutes and all he's doing is smashing huge rocks into dust. There's an enormous pile of rocks off to the side. Trump asks when he gets a break.
"When the pile is finished!" says Satan with a mischievous grin.
"But my bone spurs! No way! Take me to the next room."
In Room 2, it's Bush and he's climbing to the top of a huge diving board. He looks down and belly flops with a sickening slap into the shallow pool. Then repeats the climb and belly flop.
"No chance! That will ruin my tan! Forget about it! Next room please." says an inconsolable Trump.
"Of course!" says Satan. "Here is Room 3."
Trump peeks in fearfully. It's Clinton and he's on a lawn chair with his hands behind his back. Monica is blowing him while he looks on contentedly.
Trump can barely contain his excitement! "I'll take it!"
And Satan says, "ok, Monica, you can go now."
#sexandshit
Trump is not happy with this but he's the deal master, so he enters hell with a smug look.
Satan continues, "This is the first room. What do you think?"
It's Obama and he's working a huge hammer. Trump watches for 5 minutes and all he's doing is smashing huge rocks into dust. There's an enormous pile of rocks off to the side. Trump asks when he gets a break.
"When the pile is finished!" says Satan with a mischievous grin.
"But my bone spurs! No way! Take me to the next room."
In Room 2, it's Bush and he's climbing to the top of a huge diving board. He looks down and belly flops with a sickening slap into the shallow pool. Then repeats the climb and belly flop.
"No chance! That will ruin my tan! Forget about it! Next room please." says an inconsolable Trump.
"Of course!" says Satan. "Here is Room 3."
Trump peeks in fearfully. It's Clinton and he's on a lawn chair with his hands behind his back. Monica is blowing him while he looks on contentedly.
Trump can barely contain his excitement! "I'll take it!"
And Satan says, "ok, Monica, you can go now."
#sexandshit
Oh boy! My parents are getting a doggie! I’ve already found a collar and a leash hidden under their bed!
#sexandshit
#sexandshit
My regular prostitute had a special offer: "Two For The Price Of One."
Anyway, the other guy seemed really nice...
#sexandshit
Anyway, the other guy seemed really nice...
#sexandshit
What’s birth control?
That’s the other thing you can put in your mouth to avoid getting pregnant.
#sexandshit
That’s the other thing you can put in your mouth to avoid getting pregnant.
#sexandshit