Jokes
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Crack your ribs everyday with laughter.
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If you are ever being chased by an angry grizzly bear, just lie on the ground for five seconds.

The five second rule will stop the bear from eating you.

For five seconds.

#other
Me: "Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?"
Interviewer: "I meant any questions about the job"

#other
My high school bully still takes my lunch money.
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!

#other
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies:

”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

#other
How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?
Ask them what a dungeon master is

#other
I live every day like it is my last.
Lying in bed consuming morphine while my family cries.

#other
The three unwritten rules of life:

1.
2.
3.

#other
If it weren't for Arabs, we would never have 9/11
Instead it would be IX / XI

#other
Only 47% of Americans have said they will take a Covid vaccine when it becomes available. Although the Government are sure they will get the figure to near 100% when given with a free Big Mac meal.

#other
Guys, don't install adblock
I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.

#other