When a woman buys a dildo, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.
But when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!
But when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!
As I sat next to her on our first date, she smiled and said, "You're not a professional killer, are you?"
"No," I replied truthfully.
It's only a weekend thing, so it's more of a hobby.
"No," I replied truthfully.
It's only a weekend thing, so it's more of a hobby.
My wife said she could not think of anything worse than having cancer...
So I raped her.
So I raped her.
First date
She: so what do you do?
Me: I'm currently working to kill all cancers.
She: Impressive!
Me: Then I'll move to Virgos.
She: so what do you do?
Me: I'm currently working to kill all cancers.
She: Impressive!
Me: Then I'll move to Virgos.
What can you say both during sex and a funeral?
This would be much better if you were alive.
This would be much better if you were alive.
1 in 4 car accidents are the result of people using mobile phones while driv-ohfuckhbvjb hvbnknn bhhhhffffs
I'm a great reader of people.
For example, I can tell if another man is gay just by the taste of his cock.
For example, I can tell if another man is gay just by the taste of his cock.
I hate it when my wife snores.
It means she's still alive.
It means she's still alive.
I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the morning....
even if it is to make sure the door is locked.
even if it is to make sure the door is locked.
I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died...
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
#oldbutgold
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
#oldbutgold
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
#sexandshit
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
#sexandshit
"Mr Smith, we have reason to suspect you of an attempted rape tonight." the detective said to me in the interview room.
"I want to see my lawyer!" I demanded.
"He's already here, sitting next to you." he said.
"Sorry," I said, "it must be the pepper spray."
#sexandshit
"I want to see my lawyer!" I demanded.
"He's already here, sitting next to you." he said.
"Sorry," I said, "it must be the pepper spray."
#sexandshit
Each time I look online for porn, I pray I don't see my young sister in some kind of sordid sex film.
To my relief I never have.
She must've deleted ours.
#sexandshit
To my relief I never have.
She must've deleted ours.
#sexandshit
I started volunteering, being a bit of a motivator. I used to stand outside buildings and high five people going inside, giving them words of encouragement “you’re gonna kill it!”
Looking back, standing outside the abortion clinic wasn’t my best choice.
#other
Looking back, standing outside the abortion clinic wasn’t my best choice.
#other
WARNING FOR HORSE RACING FANS:
Searching "4 year old handicap" is fine in Google.
Not such a good idea in Tor Browser.
#other
Searching "4 year old handicap" is fine in Google.
Not such a good idea in Tor Browser.
#other
I said to my wife, "I said a prayer for your mother last night."
She said, "Why? She's not dying."
I said, "I know, why do you think I was fucking praying."
#other
She said, "Why? She's not dying."
I said, "I know, why do you think I was fucking praying."
#other
♫♪ Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes... ♪♫ I sang as I helped clear up after the latest suicide bombing.
#other
#other