#review #mythfiction #chapter1 #part 1 #HostOfZodiac
CHAPTER 1 – Daniel Kainos
August 18, 2020 23:17 here I’m sitting in front of my 9 years old laptop looking back into memories that hurt me deep inside. I’m not sure how to react with this feeling but how I wish time has stopped on July 29, 2014.
I want to scream to the world how miserable is my life but there is a quote saying “As bad as your situation may be, someone else always has it worse than you” by George Foreman. I hate those word, every time I gave up, that word pushing me back up where I barely to keep ongoing. I hate myself for knowing those word, I hate myself for keep reminding me with those word. There not a single day I wished my life will end in a tragic accident.
Why?
I’m giving up but unfortunately I has been taught since I was born, committing a suicide is the most brutal sin in the world where you will end up in the worse part of HELL. I hate myself for being taught about heaven and hell.
I hate that about myself for take everything so serious. No matter how many times I denying what I been taught, at the end of the day I end up praying before consuming my meal. Why would I not be praying, my dad is god second in command and I probably has been taught before the day I become a sperm.
It is all in my blood now. Maybe if I peal my skin, there is some bible scripture beneath it. Hahaha. Not so funny for someone who really devoted. If my father know about this he probably going to send me back to Sunday school.
Forgive me father for I have sin. I keep repeating those word in my mind but I am not catholic to use that phrase anyway.
All I want is someone to listen for what I have been dealing with. Somehow, when there is someone to listen, I has no idea what I am supposed to say or where to begin. It feel like the world is torturing me so I will end my own life. It will be not that complex if my mind is determine to do so. All I need is just open my bedroom window and jump. Simple as that. No biggie.
Drop dead, brain smashed like a pie thrown on somebody face, blood spatter all over the place in someone garden at level 1 of my resident building, but again like I said before, I will be in hell for eternity and that part is not going to be fun at all. The worst case scenario I ever imagine is by my bike and being drag under a trailer truck, and that will not be cool way to die. Body part all over the road, some stuck under the truck, organ all over the place smash into pieces. That really not a good way to die and still end up in hell for attempting suicide or maybe I end up become a ghost that hunt on the road and will become some ghost story for bedtime. I want some cool way to die where it doesn’t hurt, I didn’t know it coming and my body is fully attached in a coffin when people buried me.
Thinking about dying and terrible life, I have been thinking what about the other people who going with worse in life. How they stay sane? How they keep moving forward?
How?
All I can think as a solution to easy my life, to win a jackpot grand prize and buy a land on mountain cliff where it have a beautiful view, away from the bustling city with a small house with a transparent glass walls, alone and peace or maybe with my love one to spend the rest of our life together and maybe make one or two children along the way may add some joy in it. With all of that I only need go to town if necessary. That maybe can make me happy or maybe not.
Probably, when I win the jackpot I will end up with sport cars and sport bikes in the garage with some girls who not really love me, only for the fun and money. Maybe with the prize I won, I can work my ass up to become a billionaire make my way to be among the richest man in the world, to be known by the world so I have the access to meet Selena Gomez and maybe then I have my chance to make her my wife.
CHAPTER 1 – Daniel Kainos
August 18, 2020 23:17 here I’m sitting in front of my 9 years old laptop looking back into memories that hurt me deep inside. I’m not sure how to react with this feeling but how I wish time has stopped on July 29, 2014.
I want to scream to the world how miserable is my life but there is a quote saying “As bad as your situation may be, someone else always has it worse than you” by George Foreman. I hate those word, every time I gave up, that word pushing me back up where I barely to keep ongoing. I hate myself for knowing those word, I hate myself for keep reminding me with those word. There not a single day I wished my life will end in a tragic accident.
Why?
I’m giving up but unfortunately I has been taught since I was born, committing a suicide is the most brutal sin in the world where you will end up in the worse part of HELL. I hate myself for being taught about heaven and hell.
I hate that about myself for take everything so serious. No matter how many times I denying what I been taught, at the end of the day I end up praying before consuming my meal. Why would I not be praying, my dad is god second in command and I probably has been taught before the day I become a sperm.
It is all in my blood now. Maybe if I peal my skin, there is some bible scripture beneath it. Hahaha. Not so funny for someone who really devoted. If my father know about this he probably going to send me back to Sunday school.
Forgive me father for I have sin. I keep repeating those word in my mind but I am not catholic to use that phrase anyway.
All I want is someone to listen for what I have been dealing with. Somehow, when there is someone to listen, I has no idea what I am supposed to say or where to begin. It feel like the world is torturing me so I will end my own life. It will be not that complex if my mind is determine to do so. All I need is just open my bedroom window and jump. Simple as that. No biggie.
Drop dead, brain smashed like a pie thrown on somebody face, blood spatter all over the place in someone garden at level 1 of my resident building, but again like I said before, I will be in hell for eternity and that part is not going to be fun at all. The worst case scenario I ever imagine is by my bike and being drag under a trailer truck, and that will not be cool way to die. Body part all over the road, some stuck under the truck, organ all over the place smash into pieces. That really not a good way to die and still end up in hell for attempting suicide or maybe I end up become a ghost that hunt on the road and will become some ghost story for bedtime. I want some cool way to die where it doesn’t hurt, I didn’t know it coming and my body is fully attached in a coffin when people buried me.
Thinking about dying and terrible life, I have been thinking what about the other people who going with worse in life. How they stay sane? How they keep moving forward?
How?
All I can think as a solution to easy my life, to win a jackpot grand prize and buy a land on mountain cliff where it have a beautiful view, away from the bustling city with a small house with a transparent glass walls, alone and peace or maybe with my love one to spend the rest of our life together and maybe make one or two children along the way may add some joy in it. With all of that I only need go to town if necessary. That maybe can make me happy or maybe not.
Probably, when I win the jackpot I will end up with sport cars and sport bikes in the garage with some girls who not really love me, only for the fun and money. Maybe with the prize I won, I can work my ass up to become a billionaire make my way to be among the richest man in the world, to be known by the world so I have the access to meet Selena Gomez and maybe then I have my chance to make her my wife.